Spacesharks

1. INT. THEATER, THE SPACESHARKS TRAILER · A

• We watch the in-world trailer. The trailer voice is Seabear: "In a galaxy where sharks learned to breathe space… one chonk… will not." Then: "In space, no one can hear you eat."
• Cuts reveal how it was made: bubble machines, cardboard, a shark on a stick.
• Button: the trailer's final title card is upside down. Nobody fixed it. It's in the trailer.

2. INT. SPACESHARKS BATTLE SET · A

• Chonksy hangs on wires. Seaver hand-cranks the winch and sweats.
• A wire snaps. Chonksy dangles upside down and delivers every line perfectly anyway. The Orca, on the walkie: "Keep rolling. That's art. That's insurance fraud, but it's art."
• Seaver: "Structurally, I'm holding a famous person with my arms."

3. INT. SET, THE SHARL'S NOTES · A/C

• The Sharl: "In space, sharks do not fight. They negotiate." It reads a stage direction out loud: "[CHONKSY LOOKS BRAVELY INTO THE VOID]." Director: "That's not in the script." Sharl: "It will be." It's in the script by the next scene.
• Sharl to Chonksy, privately: "You have very good eyes for looking into voids." Chonksy: "Thanks?" Sharl: "[PAUSE FOR LAUGH]." Nobody laughs. The Sharl takes a note.

4. INT. SET, A NEW BOOM OPERATOR · C

• Sea Panda Kid has snuck onto set holding a boom mic directly in the shot.
• Sea Panda: "I'm FIFTEEN. Boom ops are traditionally fifteen." First AD: "Who hired you?" Sea Panda: "My uncle." AD: "Who's your uncle?" Sea Panda: "He's in the Seamossad." (He works at a smoothie shop.)
• Button: they keep him, because he's the only one who knows where the boom goes. It goes in frame, every time.

5. INT. COCKPIT SET · A

• Blue's whispered "this is fine, everything is fine" escalates until she nails the scene in one take, out of sheer panic. Red eats the control panel. Prop master: "That was the only one." Red: "Bet."
• Chonksy improvises one small reaction, a look. Blue, off-script, quietly: "Do that again." He does. They share a look like two people who found the same secret door.

6. INT. COMMAND ROOM, THE CAT HOUSE RAID · B

• A run on a house with four cats. Platrick is on comms and doesn't know his mic is hot.
• Platrick (live, to the whole team): "Cool cool cool. Team's in position. I'm so lonely. Cool. Cats are on the couch. Cool."
• On the beach, Seabear holds a flipper to his heart. Navy Seal: "…Above my pay grade. Arf."

7. INT. THE CAT HOUSE · B

• Four cats sit in a perfect line and watch the team. Nobody moves. Navy Seal tries a staring contest and loses in four seconds.
• One cat slowly slides a remote control off the table toward Chonksy, as if helping. That's worse.
• Button: they escape with the crate. One cat follows them to the shoreline and just sits there, watching them swim away. Seabear: "She will be back."

8. INT. COMMAND ROOM, DEBRIEF · B

• Platrick is mortified. Chumpy, kindly: "We all heard. It's fine. Seaver cried." Seaver: "Structurally, I'm fine." His eye is twitching.

9. INT. SPACESHARKS SET, THE MONOLOGUE · A

• The big speech. Midway, Chonksy says the line from his napkin book instead.
• Total silence. The crab script supervisor faints, gently, onto her clipboard. Sea Panda drops the boom.

10. INT. VIDEO VILLAGE · A/B

• The Orca: "CUT. We copy here, sweetheart. Copying is safe. Copying never sent anybody to the Trench." Beat. "…Do it again. Exactly."

11. INT. THE ORCA'S OFFICE · A/B

• The Orca, in his bathrobe, feeds two ducks in a little pool in his office. Chonksy sits across from him.
• Orca: "You know what I love about remakes? Somebody else already got in trouble for them."
• Orca: "You're the best copier we've got. You know how rare that is? Most chonks can't even copy." He sounds genuinely proud of him.
• Outside the office: Chumpy eats the entire candy bowl, then refills it from his own pocket out of guilt.
• Button: one duck leaves the pool. The Orca watches it go, devastated. "…Get out."

12. INT. DAILIES ROOM · A/B

• The improvised take plays by accident. The crew watches in silence, moved.
• The Orca: "Delete it." The editor, a seahorse, deletes it.
• Plant: in the back, Chumpy has already copied it to a shell drive. Nobody sees him. He pockets the drive next to a granola bar.

13. INT. THEATER · A

• The teaser premieres. The audience mouths along to lines they have never heard. Chumpy: "How do they know the lines?" Chonksy: "They've seen it. It's every movie."

14. INT. CRAFT SERVICES · C

• Seabear has 20,000 followers. Seabear: "I am more upset than ever." Platrick: "That's why it's working." Seabear: "Then I will never be happy again. For the fans."

16. EXT. STUDIO ROOF · A

• Chonksy looks up through the water at the night sky. A shark-shaped constellation flickers.

17. INT. PAY PHONE, SEAFLOOR · C

• The Sharl calls a number that is just static. "[PAUSE FOR LAUGH]… yes. He improvised. …I know. …I know." It hangs up and looks straight at the camera.

Plants: Chumpy's drive. The Orca's ducks. The cat that follows them. The Sharl's calls. Blue's "do that again."

21. THE CITY WATCHING: THE STORE WINDOW · slot: after Scene 13

• Chonksy walks home past an electronics store. Twelve TVs in the window play the SPACESHARKS teaser. Twelve of his own face, delivering a line he didn't write.
• He stops. A small fish next to him looks at the TVs, then at him, then at the TVs. Fish: "…You look tired in person."

22. THE CITY WATCHING: BARBERSHOP · slot: under Scene 14

• A pufferfish gets a haircut while the teaser plays. Every time a space shark appears, he inflates a little. The barber, an octopus, trims faster.

30. FLASH-FORWARD: THE FEDORA · before Scene 1

• Desaturated, wordless, five seconds. A tan Academy fedora lies upside down on a scorched floor. A single bubble escapes from under the brim. Cut to the trailer.

31. INT. CORAL COLA BOARDROOM · THE QUARTERLY · after Scene 11

• A glass tower. The shark sponsor runs the meeting while swimming laps around the table, because if he stops, he dies. Every line arrives from a slightly different direction. An old eel and two groupers sit. The Orca wears a suit over his bathrobe.
• Behind one-way glass is the focus group: four thousand sardines. Grouper: "We tested an 'original' concept. One sardine cried." Eel: "So they all cried." Grouper: "We refunded four thousand."
• Coral Cola comes in sealed bladders you bite open. Tagline: Taste the Surface. Nobody at the table has been to the surface.
• Shark (passing behind the Orca, close): "Copies only. If Chonk Studios ever makes something new…" (lap) "…we'll smell it." (lap) "One drop in a million." The Orca, who eats sea lions for breakfast, is the prey in this room.

40. CATS · Scene 6–7, the Cat House raid · Seinfeld/Gillis

• The raid crew enters a human house with eleven cats. Navy Seal (pinned to a wall by a tabby, perfectly calm): "Cats are just sharks that decided to be small so they could live inside." Raider: "Why would you live inside?" Navy Seal: "Control."
• A cat bats Chumpy's nose for ninety seconds while he refuses to move: "If I move, he wins." He's still there at the debrief, scratched, proud. "I won."

41. TYPO IN MY MOUTH · Scene 12, dailies · Tim Robinson

• The Orca watches the improv on the dailies monitor. Orca: "Did you change a line?" Chonksy, the best actor in the ocean, lies like an amateur: "I said it the way it's written."
• Orca: "You said 'I'm not afraid of you.' The script says 'I am afraid of you.'" Chonksy: "Typo in the script." Orca: "There's no typo." Chonksy: "Then it's a typo in my MOUTH." Orca: "Mouths don't have typos." Chonksy (escalating, committing, sweating): "Mine does. It's a condition. I've had it since the war. Ask the war!"
• The Coral Cola quarterly is in one hour. The Orca slowly closes the laptop. "We're going to say it was the sound guy." The sound guy (a shrimp) is right there. "…Fine."