The Academy

1. INT. SUNKEN CRUISE SHIP BALLROOM · 0:00–2:20 · A

• Flashlights sweep a tilted chandelier and an overturned grand piano. The buffet is still set, forty years later.
• Seabear, moved: "They never got to eat." He eats a forty-year-old shrimp. "Still good. Humans preserve everything except each other."
• Navy Seal tries to play the piano silently and somehow plays it louder.
• The DVD cabinet holds 31 copies of one movie, a famous ship-sinking romance. Chonksy: "They brought the sinking movie. On the boat." Seabear: "Is like bringing bear to bear fight." Chonksy: "That's just a fight."
• Button: the chandelier groans and falls in slow motion. All three look up. Chonksy: "…That's crazy." SEACHONKS.

2. FLASHBACK · EXT. OCTOPUS WAR TRENCH · "NINE YEARS AGO" · A

• Young Chonksy, slimmer and terrified, in a helmet two sizes too big. Ink bombs burst black overhead.
• A drill sergeant (a hammerhead) can only look at one soldier at a time, so he screams at whichever one is in front of each eye.
• A propaganda radio plays a dubbed human war speech, translated by vibe: "We will fight them on the beaches. We like beaches. Beaches are nice."
• Private: "Did we win?" Chonksy: "Can't see." Private: "Did they win?" Chonksy: "Also can't see. That's the whole war."
• Heart sliver: Chonksy gives his helmet to a younger private who doesn't have one.

3. FLASHBACK · NO-MAN'S-LAND · A/B

• Chumpy, the conscientious objector, in a cook's apron with a picnic basket, walks out between the trenches.
• He hands sandwiches to both sides. Octopus soldier: "…Is this kelp?" Chumpy: "My mom's recipe." Octopus: "Tell your mom thank you." They stop shooting for eleven minutes.
• The court-martial: the sentence is kitchen duty for life. Chumpy: "So… a promotion." His mom calls the court-martial's landline. Judge: "…It's for you."

4. INT. CRUISE SHIP STAIRWELL · PRESENT · A

• Chonksy and Seabear haul crates up a sideways staircase. A helmet clanks somewhere and Chonksy flinches.
• Seabear: "In Arctic Shelf we have saying: the past is a bear. You poke it, it eats you." Beat. "Also the present is bear. Is all bear."
• Button: Chonksy: "Is it always a bear?" Seabear: "Is mostly bear."

5. FLASHBACK · INVESTIGOTTER ACADEMY GRADUATION · A/B

• Cadets in trench coats and fedoras. Chumpy's coat won't close, so he holds it shut like a cape.
• The valedictorian is Seapholk. He reads heart rates from the podium: "Interesting that your pulse rose when they said 'honor,' Cadet 0451."
• His entire speech: "Trust no one. Especially the people you love. Thank you." The applause starts slowly, out of fear.
• The Academy motto, in Latin on a banner (added in post), translates to "Someone Did It."

6. FLASHBACK · ACADEMY CLASSROOM · THE MURDERED CLAM · A

• Instructor: "Who killed this clam?"
• Chonksy reads the scene: sand scuffed one way, a tiny V-shaped bite, a white feather. "A seagull."
• Seapholk: "Wrong. It was the clam's wife." Instructor: "…It was the seagull." Seapholk: "It's usually the wife."
• Chumpy wakes up: "Was it the wife?"
• Heart sliver: Chonksy loves this, the noticing. It's the first time we see him light up.

7. INT. CRUISE SHIP CARGO HOLD · PRESENT · A

• The ship's stash is gone, and the crew is ready to leave. Chonksy notices the one lifeboat still in its cradle.
• Inside are forty crates of DVDs. Navy Seal: "How'd you know?" Chonksy: "It was the only thing on the ship nobody used." Silence. Navy Seal: "…Above my pay grade. Arf."

8. FLASHBACK · GOTTER'S OFFICE · A/B

• Smoke, maps, medals. Gotter: "The Academy teaches you to find out what happened. I need people who find what's next."
• The pitch for Acquisitions: "We bring home the stories." He falls asleep mid-pitch, wakes: "…and that is why we never go to the Trench." Neither of them knows what he said.
• Plant: Chumpy eyes the candy dish. Gotter, without looking, slides it to him. A bond starts here.

9. FLASHBACK · ACADEMY STEPS · THE DROPOUT · A/B

• They hand in their fedoras. Seapholk watches: "You'll be back. People who notice things always come back to noticing things."
• Chumpy: "I'm not coming back. I didn't notice anything the whole time." Seapholk: "I noticed."

10. INT. COMMAND ROOM · PRESENT · B

• The ship is shifting. Seaver: "Structurally speaking, you have forty seconds. Emotionally, you have less."
• Chumpy's mom calls. He answers this time: "MOM. NOT NOW. Yes, I ate." Hangs up. Everyone stares. Chumpy: "She worries."

11. INT. TILTING SHIP · ESCAPE · A

• Slapstick: the floor becomes a wall. Navy Seal surfs down a hallway on a buffet tray.
• Seabear carries four crates and a stranded pufferfish who refuses to leave his cabin.
• Button: they burst out a porthole as the ship settles. The pufferfish, inflated: "I'm leaving a one-star review."

12. EXT. THE SHALLOWS · DAY · A

• First proper look at Old Seacow: straw hat, pineapple earring, the smoothie that never empties.
• Chonksy: "Did chonks ever make their own movies?" Old Seacow, without looking up: "Try the mango. It's seasonal."
• Chonksy: "That's not an answer." Old Seacow: "It's a great answer. The mango is incredible right now."

13. INT. CRAFT SERVICES · C

• Seabear's cooking clips are getting views, but only the clips where he's furious.
• Platrick reads the comments: "'He threatened a lobster and then gave it a hug, I'm crying.'" Seabear: "I am not famous. I am upset." The views go up.

14. INT. UPPER KELPWOOD LOBBY · B

• Chonksy tries an Academy trick: "Your rent receipts are in a purple envelope. Lavender wax seal." Chumpy: "How do you—" Chonksy: "I'm trained." Chumpy: "…Next question."
• Raymond the doorman: "Mr. Chumpy." Chumpy: "Gerald." Raymond: "Still Raymond."

16. EXT. STUDIO GATE · MORNING · A/B

• Seapholk, in a Sea SI suit: "Cadet 0451." Chonksy: "It's Chonksy now."
• Seapholk: "Interesting that your heart rate rose when you said your own name."

17. INT. SEAPHOLK'S CAR · NIGHT · B

• Seapholk listens to a sonar recording of the Ep 1 wrap party, with everyone chanting "chonks can't direct."
• There's one silent gap in the chant: Chonksy not laughing. Seapholk circles it on a sonar printout, then turns the volume up on the silence.

Plants: Gotter and Chumpy's bond. Seapholk. The fedora. Old Seacow's deflection. Seabear's rage views. The purple envelope.

21. REMAKE CLIP: "THE SHIP THAT SANK (AGAIN)" · slot: after the cold open

• Chonk Studios' remake of the famous ship-sinking romance. Blue and Chonksy are on the floating door, and in this version they both fit. The violins swell. They float away, alive, slightly awkward.
• Chonksy (in-remake): "There was room the whole time." Blue: "I know."

22. THE CITY WATCHING: A SPORTS BAR · slot: under Scene 13

• A rowdy bar of walruses and seals watches the door scene. A full-blown argument breaks out over whether they both fit. A bartender seahorse rings a bell: "DOOR TALK IS A TWO-DRINK MINIMUM."

31. FIX: BUT/THEREFORE · Scenes 12 → 13

• Old Seacow deflects ("Try the mango"), therefore Chonksy goes to Seabear's kitchen. Seabear walks him straight to a tank of pistol shrimp that snap like gunfire. Chonksy: "Why is it so loud in here?" Seabear: "Loudest animal in ocean. Dolphins hear everything. (snap snap snap) Except here."
• (First statement of the world rule: underwater, privacy is a surface concept.)
• A one-eyed old seal at the soup line, shouting over the shrimp: "THE GREAT FLOP? MY GRANDDAD WORKED THE FLOP." The shrimp stop. Silence. Everyone in the kitchen hears. He goes back to his soup.

32. BACKGROUND GAG: THE MANGO · Scene 12

• The Shallows' chalkboard, four frames: MANGO: OUT OF SEASON SINCE THE FIRST WAVE. (Mangoes don't grow underwater. They never did. Somebody used to bring them down.)

33. RUNNER: GOTTER'S ROCK · Scene with Gotter

• Otters keep one favorite rock in an armpit pocket for life. Gotter pats his armpit whenever anyone says "First Wave." Chumpy: "What's in the pit?" Gotter: "Rock." "What kind of rock?" "Mine." (Ep 6: it's a painted chip from The Long Reef's desert set.)

40. JERRY SEALFELD · Scene 12, The Shallows, comedy night · Seinfeld

• The city's top comic, a sea lion in a blazer, does only material copied off human tapes. Sealfeld: "What's the deal with airline food?" Nobody in the ocean has ever seen a plane. The room loses its mind. "And the tiny bags of pretzels!" A grouper falls off his stool.
• Chonksy at the bar, the only one not laughing: "What's a pretzel?" Old Seacow: "Nobody knows, baby. That's the bit."
• It's the purest image of the premise, and it pays off in Ep 10.

41. "OCEAN." (FIRST TIME) · Scene 8, Gotter's office flashback · Bernie Mac

• Young Gotter (forty years younger, same exhaustion) turns from the two cadets to the lens. Gotter: "Ocean. Let me explain something. I don't hate kids." (looks back at them) "I hate these kids." (back to us) "One's got talent and no discipline. The other's got discipline about snacks."

42. THE PORTHOLE · Scene 11, the tilting ship · Farley

• The ship is sliding into the trench. Chumpy is wedged in a porthole, front half out, back half in. Chonksy: "Exhale!" Chumpy: "I AM exhaling!" Chonksy: "Exhale MORE!" Chumpy: "I've never finished an exhale!"
• He finishes one. He pops out like a cork and rockets across the ballroom through a chandelier. The ship drops behind them. He floats there in a cloud of crystal. "…I should get in shape."