SEACHONKS Lost Art
Episode 10 (alt) · The alternate finale

Black Hole

What it is: an alternate Act Three for Ep 10 that bridges the franchise: Seachonks S1: Lost Art → Black Holes in the Brain S1 → Seachonks S2: New Chonk Studios.

Same as Ep 10 through Scene 10 (Old Seacow puts the smoothie down). Then Chonksy gets a black hole in the brain, falls through it, and lands as the narrator of Black Holes in the Brain ("I'm Chonksy. The Investigotter. I'll be narrating this one. Apologies in advance.").

Two ways in. Pick one, or use A as the joke and B as the real one.

Tone note: the concussion is a slapstick doorway, not a statement about brains. On the other side, Black Holes in the Brain carries its own sincerity.

ACT THREE (ALT)

11. INT. CHONKSY'S APARTMENT · 2:40 AM · A

  • Under 24/7 surveillance, Chonksy decides the safest thing is to act extremely normal. Chonksy (to the camera, which he is not supposed to know about): "Gonna take a normal shower. Like a normal guy."

OPTION A: "THE SHOWER" (slapstick)

12A. INT. CHONKSY'S BATHROOM

  • He installed a human-style shower after the remakes taught him that every great human movie has a scene where someone cries in the shower.
  • The problem is that he lives underwater. The shower is water coming out of a pipe into more water. Chonksy: "What is this. It's just a place you sud yourself."
  • He suds up anyway. Bubbles drift straight up and away. He tries to cry dramatically like the human movies. Nothing happens, because it's water inside water.
  • The Watcher, in the van, writing: "Subject is… showering? In the ocean? Possibly code."

13A. INT. BATHROOM · THE FALL

  • He slips on the soap. Underwater, the fall is in extreme slow motion, a graceful three-second tumble.
  • He catches himself on the towel rack: a heroic save, pure action-movie. He looks at the camera, proud.
  • He steps out of the shower onto the rake. It's the rake from Seaver's western set; Seaver gave it to him as "a structural souvenir." The handle swings up and hits him square in the face. THWACK.
  • A beat. He sways. Chonksy: "…That's crazy." He falls backward in slow motion. As he falls, a single tiny black dot appears in the middle of his vision. It starts to grow.

OPTION B: "THE TRUNK" (mob)

12B. INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY · AFTER THE 3 AM PERFORMANCE

  • The building is applauding in their robes. Then the elevator dings.
  • A mob guy steps out: a big barracuda in a tracksuit and gold chain, carrying a baseball bat. (He's from the real Seapranos family, the ones the remake was "inspired by," and they're furious about it. The Sea Mossad subcontracted him. Everyone is subcontracted.)
  • Barracuda: "You the guy who made something?" Chonksy: "…Allegedly." Barracuda: "Nothing personal. It's a creative differences thing." BONK.

13B. INT. CAR TRUNK · NIGHT

  • Darkness. The trunk slams. Muffled car radio: the SPACESHARKS soundtrack.
  • In the dark, Chonksy's eyes open, heavy-lidded and unfocused. In the center of the black there's a blacker dot, and it's getting bigger.
  • Chonksy: "…Huh." The car hits a pothole. Bonk. The dot doubles.

THE BLACK HOLE (either option)

14. INT. CHONKSY'S HEAD · THE BLACK HOLE

  • The dot swallows the frame. We fall into it, and the show falls with it.
  • The black hole opens onto a brass-and-glass astrolabe turning above a clockwork landscape of brain folds, with rivers of glowing blue light: the main-title world of Black Holes in the Brain.
  • Chonksy tumbles through it like he fell through the clouds in his music video, totally unbothered, paws behind his head. Chonksy (V.O.): "Okay. This is new."

15. EXT. THE BRAIN · THE TRAIN OF THOTS

  • A whistle. A stout navy steam locomotive with gold star constellations, the TRAIN OF THOTS, comes chugging along brass rails over the brain folds. Baboom, the chimp conductor (crooked cap, brass goggles, an empty license holder), leans out with a huge unhinged grin. Baboom: "ALL ABOARD! Next stop: somebody else's story!"
  • Chonksy lands on the roof of the coach, sits up, and adjusts his fedora. Chonksy: "Whose?" Baboom just grins wider. The train dives into the black hole's center.

16. INT. THE BARNACLE (A BAR) · NIGHT

  • Smash cut. A quiet bar called The Barnacle. A tall, broad man with dark wavy hair and a beard sits alone at the counter (Cody, as in the Black Holes trailer).
  • Chonksy slides onto the stool beside him, still a little concussed, a star or two still orbiting his head.
  • Chonksy: "I'm Chonksy. The Investigotter." (beat) "I'll be narrating this one. Apologies in advance."
  • TITLE CARD: BLACK HOLES IN THE BRAIN (Season 1). The Lost Art season ends here.

POST-CREDITS (ALT)

17. EXT. DEEP SPACE

  • The intergalactic shark fleet. Lead shark: "[PAUSE FOR LAUGH]… he's in somebody else's story now." Another shark: "When's he back?" Lead shark: "Season 2." The fleet turns toward the blue ocean planet.
  • TITLE CARD: SEACHONKS: NEW CHONK STUDIOS. COMING AFTER THE BLACK HOLE.

FRANCHISE ROADMAP